I need an update....seriously bad!

Alright....where to start!  I'm 37 and 5 days pregnant....so I'm considered full term!  Crrraaazy how time flies!  I can't believe that I've flown through the weeks!!!  I'm now going to the doctor once a week.  I'm a "fingertip" dilated as of a week ago (who knows what I'll be on Friday).  Norah is still sitting breached with her butt down and head up.  So I have two options:

Option 1:
Schedule a C-Section at 39 weeks pregnant (that's in like 9 days....9....OMG)

Option 2:
This Friday, if the baby is not sitting too too low, the doctor can bring me to the hospital and try to do an external cephalic version....basically turning her from the outside of my uterus.

Soooo.....not sure what I'm going to do.  I really want to have Norah vaginally but the doctor was saying that there could be reasons why she is sitting breached (eg. cord to short, baby too big, ect).  There is a 50-50% success rate with the external turning, and one of the things that can make it difficult to turn is if the baby is sitting low, or the cord is in the way or if the placenta is blocking something (can't remember what).  If something goes wrong while trying to turn her they might have to do an emergency C-Section.

What I'm thinking:  On Friday's doctor's appt.  I'll have them do an ultrasound to see how Norah is sitting and check out her position, the cord position and the placenta.  If all of our ducks are in a positive row and it's looking good....I'll try to have the external.  If she is sitting really low or if something is in the way I'll just schedule the C-Section.  ohhh the choices.  I'm scared poopless anyway around it.  It all sounds EXTREMELY PAINFUL!!!  Either way....in a couple weeks I'll have my little girl in my arms!! Can you believe it.

We just had another fun fetal photos ultrasound....and got really good pictures of Norah's face.  Check them out.  It's amazing how much she looks like our baby....I can't already see features that remind me of Cody in her!  Can't wait to see her in real life!!

 

And here are some new pictures of the Vega bear!!!

FABULOUS Friday!!

So today was a  fabulous day!!  Lots of things went really well.  It just made my day.  I first woke up early for work...I thought my phone said it was 6:45am so I got up and took a shower....I get out of the shower and it's 6:30am.....I'm like what???  Did time just go backwards.  I put 2 and 2 together and figured I must have just read my cell wrong...so I was 10 mins early to work today and not 10 mins. late :)  So I get to work and I was able to get some documentation done with little interuption.  The only interruption I got was from my coworkers busting moves to 90's music.  A little baby got back, 'N Sync, MC Hammer....you know the good stuff.  So then we got Thai food for lunch.  Can I say yum!!!  And after that we get back to the office and our admin. secretary told me that I had flowers!!!  I'm like flowers, who got me flowers.  And I open the card and they are from my wonderful husband!!  It was sooo sweet.  He got them just because.  I have to admit these are my first "just because" flowers and they are TOTALLY the best flowers you could ever get...bc you're not expecting them and they just make you smile all day long.  My husband is literally the best husband there could ever be.  I'm the luckiest girl in the world!!!  Here's a picture of the flowers...I love the colors.  I love orange and yellows...bright and cheerful flowers!!

So then after lunch, my coworkers went out and bought supplies to make a bubblegum flower arrangement for my baby shower tomorrow.  At first they weren't going to let me help bc it's for my shower.  But I think they couldn't say no for real...I wanted to help!!  They turned out really cute!!! 

So then after work, I come home and don't hit any traffic!  Holla!  and I let Vega out to go to the bathroom and it was raining and she was actually good and peed and ran back inside without getting too wet!  Awesome!!  So then I watched the movie "The Town" and it was really really good.  I like it a lot.  And I got a load of baby laundry washed!  So cute!!  And talked to my lil brother on the phone.  And Norah is kicking like crazy right now.  The only crummy part right now is that Vega hears people talking outside and she is barking SOOOO loud.  It's hurting my ears!!  Anyways...it was a great day!!  I can't wait until my baby shower tomorrow!!!  It will be nice having baby stuff in the house!!! 

Norah 32 weeks...and GROWING!!

YAY!!  I went to my 32 week ultrasound visit and they told me that Norah is growing great!  She is 5 pounds!!  She is in the 65th percentile for her weight.  That makes me feel great knowing that she is healthy!!  I am very happy!!  Her daddy is really happy too!  here are some pictures.  Of course they are hard to even make out unless you have a degree in reading these things...but it's still our little girl.  Maybe at the Fun Fetal Photo's shoot we'll get better ones just for fun!  We love our little Bella-Bear!!

  Button Nose-Looking up

Fingers

fingers 2

heart beat and brain

foot

girlie parts-They told me that she has her legs closed together tight (every time this happens...and I'm so okay with it lol)

Profile pic

Not sure

Profile shot- Pouting

Profile shot

sucking thumb

profile

 

sucking thumb

I am a GENIUS!!!

So I just need to toot my own horn right now.  Our internet was not secure like 2 weeks ago...our router was all screwed up.  So I went and bought a new one.  Brought it home and hooked it up to our OLD desktop (that literally sounds like a helicopter when it runs....it's old).  Well of course our router isn't compatible with the old operating system.  (I'm probably making these words up).  So I had like 10 cords and was trying to figure out how to hook it up to my laptop and make everything wireless. 

TONIGHT....I was able to get my router working, SECURE my internet (so my freeloading neighbor selling copyrighted stuff from my internet can't get to it), AND hook up my printer to the wireless network so I can print from my laptop! 

I am a GENIUS!!!!!!!!!!!!  I never thought in a million years that I'd be able to hook all of it wireless.  And I did it!!  It took a couple hours and I was starving by the end.  But here I am on my laptop...online....and if I wanted to print this page...I COULD!  I feel sooo good about myself right now!  Just sayin'.  Good night!!

Cute Pic of Vega

I just had to add this adorable picture of Vega on here!!

Mini-baby shower, Girls Night & Lamaze

Memorial Weekend has been spectacular so far!!  On Friday after work (well it got crazy...) I had to drive all the way to David's Bridal (1 hr away) to get my maid of honor dress tailored.  Then right after that I had to drive an hour back to get to the hospital for the start of my private lamaze class.  I really liked my instructor.  She definitely had a strong opinion towards natural birth but she wasn't pushy and really considered what I wanted from my birth.  It was kinda nice having the natural birth perspective since I've read 3 books coming from the doctors perspective.  I still have no idea what I'm going to do....epidural or natural....it's so hard to say when I've never been through contractions.  No idea how bad it will be. I guess we will see in 8 weeks what I decide!! 

So on Saturday I had my Lamaze class again...fun and informative.  Then I went to my friend Kelley's house and was thinking it was just a girls day but found out it was a little mini-baby shower for Phyllis and I.  Kelley, Megan, Angie and Jackie were there.  Josh, Jerrod, Gary and Wade came by a little later.  It was fun.  It was the first gifts that I've been able to open for the baby.  It was fun!  I love opening gifts for Norah.  Much better than opening gifts for myself.  Kelley gave us a basket with bath soap and lotion, a first aid kit that we registered for, two stuffed animals and the little animal attached to the blanket thing (which I heard babies love).  Megan made us a lavender themed diaper cake which had a cute pair of little girl sun glasses.  Angie gave us a little outfit (a green onsie with a fish on it and a purple skirt) and breast pads and soothing gel breast pads.  Jackie gave us two swaddling blankets.  I had a good time catching up with all of them. 

Then on Sunday we had our last and final Lamaze class.  Learned a little about breastfeeding, breathing, positions.  We practiced some positions and it was a good idea to help my mom learn what she can do to help.  After that I went to meet Suzanne, Kristin, Tina, and Patricia for a girls night out.  We went to Sweet Frog (which is sooooo delicious) and had fun talking and laughing.  Then we went to see Bridesmaids.  We sat in the back row and just laughed hysterically.  I felt like we were 13 year olds.  We were singing with the music and dancing and laughing and just having a good time. 

Today is Monday-No Work!  holla!!  And I had a great time talking to Cody on the phone this morning.  And right now I'm just waiting for dad to get here so we can go get something to eat then head out to the movies to see the Hangover Part II.  So far it's been a wonderful weekend!! 

Scared

I am so scared.  These feelings that I’m having just won’t go away.  No matter how many people I talk to and how much hope and strength people try to give me.  I’m so scared.  I’m pregnant and Cody is deployed.  I don’t know what I’m doing.  I never thought I’d be alone during such a special time in my life.  We want our little girl so bad and we’re so happy to be starting a life together.  But the horrible part is that we aren’t starting it together.  We starting our family apart.  Away from each other.  This is so hard.  I cry every day.  I can’t handle this.  I don’t want to mess up our little girl.  I don’t want to set her up for failure because I can’t handle the separation.  I just want her to be healthy and happy and she’s already underweight.  Is it my fault?  I just want Cody home so badly.  I can’t do this alone.  I can’t be a first time mom with out my best friend and partner!  This is one of the biggest transitions in life and I’m doing it alone. I should be so happy now.  I should have Cody here with me.  This is just so lonely.  He should be here kissing my belly and telling me I look beautiful.  To lift heavy things to rub my feet.  To be there when we hear our little girls first cry.  I’m so scared about so many things.  I scared about being alone when I go into labor.  That’s sad.  I don’t want to be alone when my water breaks.  That’s so sad.  I want my partner with me.  To help calm me down, to look into my eyes and tell me everything will be okay.  I want him to hold my hand as we rush to the hospital.  I’m scared of the pain of child birth.  I hate pain, I’m really bad with pain and now I have to experience the worse pain of my life…without Cody.  I’m going to have to learn how to take care of a newborn…alone.  I’m scared that Cody and I didn’t have time to transition together.  To spend these last 9 months having fun and just being Cody & Carla.  We didn’t get that time together.  He was deployed for 7 months, home for 6 months then deployed again for another 7-10 months.  It’s not fair.  All these other women have their husbands by their side to share in all the joy and happiness of pregnancy and child birth.  And I have to be “strong”  I have to keep it all together even though I’m doing this alone and I’m so lonely.  My home feels like a house again.  No love, no happiness….just walls, a roof and things are in it.  Without cody it feels so cold in here all the time.  I miss him so badly.  I want to hear him laugh, I want to dance to some music.  I want to enjoy our time together before our little girl is born.  I’m so scared.  No one will listen to me.  They all try to just pick you up and be thankful for what I have.  But it doesn’t take away from my feelings of be scared and lonely.  I don’t want to be sad anymore, I don’t want to be scared and mad.  I feel like I’m mad at the world all the time now.  I want to feel carefree again and happy.  I want to just enjoy life and spend time with Cody.  But I have this edge about me….I’m always sad or mad.  It’s not me.  I already feel like a horrible mom, wife, friend, dog owner.  Vega never gets any attention.  It’s not fair to her.  She should be able to run and play and get to the park.  Cody should be getting cards and care packages from me on a regular basis, my parents shouldn’t have to deal with me being edgy and mean.  I feel like I’m letting everyone down and that all conversations have to be about me and being pregnant.  But I keep talking about it because I feel like nobody is listening.  I feel like I just keep talking to the wall when I talk about what’s going on.  I don’t feel like anyone gets me.  I don’t think anyone really understands what this feels like.  I don’t know what to do.  And I have a horrible schedule before a baby is born….work, school, work, school, work, work, work, homework, studying, no fun, no time to prepare for the baby, no time to clean, no time to take baby classes, no time to send cody care  packages, no time to take on myself, no time to de-stress, no time to go to the beach and just relax….just work & school…taking care of the dog, coming home to a lonely house.  I’m happy with my life, the big picture…I love my family, I love my husband, I love all the potential it has.  But I need my husband here with me right now.  I need him.  More than any other time in the world.  I need him home.