Walk this year in my shoes

I just don't think that the average person understands all of the luxuries they and their husbands have on a day to day basis and how much those who have husbands serve in the military have to give up for those luxuries.  Being a military spouse doesn't just mean that they have to deal with moves and deployments and separation.  I mean those are part of it.  But does the average person really stop and think what it would be like to walk in your shoes.  I know I never did growing up (of course I was young and didn't put myself in a lot of people's shoes...I had some maturing and growing to do).  But really I don't even think I would have REALLY thought hard about what it would feel like to be a military spouse.  I do think that if I had a friend going through what I'm going through I would understand.  I always try to put myself in the shoes of my good friends to be able to best be a friend.  And I really feel like I have great friends and a good support system.  But to tell you the truth I don't know how many of them really are considering how much Cody & I are going through right now and in the next 10 months.  I mean I'm soo tired of people telling me that "Everything will be okay" and "You're lucky bc you have family here" and "You have all of us" and "oh you have skype and webcam so he'll see the birth"  All of that is horse shit. I mean lets get down to it.  YES I know everything will be okay, YES I'm lucky to have family here, YES I have everyone around me and YES I have skype so Cody will see the birth.  But NO, he's missing the most amazing thing in the whole world, child birth, the birth of our first baby.  I mean we created a life together and he's going to miss that.  And family is wonderful to have and I wouldn't be able to do one extra day without the support of my parents....they are keeping me afloat during these hard times, mom coming over and helping with dishes, the dog, cooking.  Dad taking me to movies to keep me happy.  But sometimes there are certain times in life where parents can't replace a husband.  Yes I want my parents there and I can't imagine them not being there.  But it doesn't make up for the loss of the person you love the most in the world, the person that help create this beautiful life.  Cody was soooo excited about the baby, rubbing my belly when he was here, going to every doctors appointment, getting me little snacks when I didn't feel well, taking Vega on walks...being the support I needed.  Now, I come home to an empty house with nothing but chores to do.  I don't have any happiness at my house.  I love Vega to death, but after a long day of work and some days school I just don't have the energy and the time to give her the attention she deserves.  I feel like a horrible person because I have to do laundry, dishes, make dinner, do homework, write papers, pay bills....all the while she's looking at me like, hello, I've been home all day bored out of my mind.  Back to the baby stuff.  I just want people and friends to acknowledge the hardship that Cody & I are going through.  Someone to just tell me "It freaking sucks...like crap....and it's a HUGE deal that he is missing this amazing time in your lives."  Because really speaking, it feels like I'm a single mother....and in reality I am.  I'm doing EVERYTHING on my own, all the doc. appt....all the classes...everything.  I come home to nobody to help me.  When my water breaks, there's a good chance I'll be sitting in the house all alone.  I won't have that time that most women have when they get to wake up their husbands and tell them that this is the moment our lives are about to change.  I have to call someone to come to me....I have to make sure the dog has everything she needs before she leaves.  I pack my bags alone.  I see my friends all around me Suzanne and Mike, Jerrod and Phyllis....and they have no idea how lucky they are just to have the ones they love with them during this amazing time in their lives.  Jerrod wrote on facebook the other day that he felt his baby kick for the first time.......Cody will never feel Norah kick in my belly.  He's gone fighting for everyone's freedom to be able to experience those things.  He will get home when our little girl is no longer a newborn.  She'll be close to 6 months old....half of her life she won't know her daddy.  That breaks my heart.  Norah and Cody deserve to have each other...to meet each other.  Cody has so much love to give.  And he was ripped from us.  This is the worst feeling I've ever experience in my life.  Yet the most amazing.  How is that so???  Norah is the best thing that has happened to Cody & I and we would NEVER change anything about her.  She's amazing and beautiful and just wonderful.  We are both SOOO happy to have her a part of our lives.  Yet, everytime I get excited, I feel a shooting of pain of the fact that Cody is not here to experience all of these joys.  I feel her flip when I'm at home and I have no body to tell....Cody can't rub my belly and talk to her!  I just wish people understand how hard this really is, and don't just roll over it with some lame pick me ups like "Everything will be ok".